Taking Care of Yourself (as a Parent)

Tomorrow is Wednesday.  I look forward to Wednesdays and dread them all at the same time.  It's one of those days when I just don't stop, and by the end of the day (sometimes by the middle of the day), I just want to crash. 

A Wednesday at our home starts at 5:45 am.  I start getting ready, because this is my volunteer day at school, then I wake up the kids.  It is my day to carpool because I volunteer in Madison's class at 7:00 am.  I am usually in her classroom until 7:45 or 8:00, then leave to help in the media center until 9:00.  At that time I go to Andrew's classroom to volunteer until 10:15. 

I cherish the time I get to spend in my children's classrooms.  As a former teacher, it enables me to use my skills, but also be a part of my children's education.  It also allows me to see how both of my children are coping at school with their different needs.  Madison and Andrew are always so excited for me to be in their rooms.  I know this will not always be the case, so I am savoring it while it lasts.  Even so, this is the beginning of an extremely taxing day.


For the past year, when I leave school, I have been going to physical therapy for a 10:30 appointment (I had shoulder surgery last March).  After an hour session there, I am off to the grocery store.  Now this doesn't take me as long as it did 6 weeks ago because with Andrew on his elemental diet I am not having to read as many labels as I was.  However, I am trying to become more health conscious and am beginning to read labels for unhealthy ingredients.  I usually return home around 1:15.  Just enough time to take out the cold items and put them in the fridge and freezer, grab a snack for Madison, a formula juice box for Andrew, jump back in the car and pick up the kids from school.

Wednesday is Vision Therapy day, so I have to spend a half an  hour waiting in the car pool line to pick the kids up after school, just so that we can drive a pleasant 45 minutes to Madison's vision therapy appointment. The kids try to do their homework and reading in the car because we don't get home until 5:00 pm.  Once we are there Madison goes with her therapist, and Andrew makes paper airplanes, reads, or plays his DS while he is drinking his 8th juice box of the day.  We usually get out around 4:00 or so and are on the road back home.  When we're lucky we get home by 4:45.

Then we come in, I help Madison with whatever homework she still needs help with and start dinner.  By this time I use what energy I have left to maintain patience with my children during the hardest part of their day.  Madison, Andrew and I (and Daddy if we're lucky) sit down at the dinner table and either eat (or drink) our dinner.  Then it's off to bed; 7:00 pm for Andrew and 7:30 for Madison.

Wow, when we spend day after day like this it is bound to take a toll on us as parents.  When you are the parent of a child with special needs, you spend so much time helping your child, running them to appointment after appointment, and wanting to do what is absolutely best for them it is hard to remember that we need to be taking care of ourselves as well. 

Okay, so some people, including some of my family members, are probably going to read this post and tell me I need to practice what I preach.  Why is it that it is always easier to tell others what they should do, than to do it yourself?  But anyway, here it goes...


Being a parent is the most rewarding and fulfilling job I have ever had.  I love my children dearly and am so blessed to have them in my life.  However, at times parenting can  be exhausting and frustrating.  There are so many demands being placed on us at all times.  As moms, or dads, we seem to put our children's needs above our own.  I know I am guilty of it, and it seems impossible to do it any other way.  However, when you think about it, if we are not at our best, then we can not give our children our best.  So it only makes sense for me to do all I can to try to lead a more balanced life...okay,  I'll try if you will...


Her are some things we can do as parents of children with special needs to live a more well balanced life:


*Eat right-The benefits of eating well go beyond just making you feel better, it actually makes you healthier.  The healthier one is, the better able she is to effectively take care of her children.


*Exercise-Research shows that exercise reduces stress and increases energy.  A brisk 20-30 minute walk is all it takes.  I have to admit this is one I have the hardest making time for myself.  I know when I do I feel better, but I always feel I have other things that I need to do that are more important.  I need to change my thinking!


*Get out-Give yourself permission to have fun.  Go out to lunch with a friend, have a date with your husband, enjoy some "just you" time....and don't feel guilty!  My coffee and lunch dates with friends are always a pick-me-up for me, not to mention the rare opportunities that my husband and I have to go out on a date.  However, we do try to make it a priority to have "date nights" in.


*Find Support-Being involved with support groups with parents that are dealing with the same issues is really important.  It is a great way to get support, gain resources and learn information.  I am involved with support groups for both of my children's special needs.  The support group that I found moms with children with EE has been especially beneficial for me.  These groups are a part of my life that I would not want to do without.


*Ask for help-When things start to feel overwhelming, don't hesitate to ask for help.  This can be as little as asking a friend to babysit for you or as much as seeking counseling when you feel things are getting to be too much.  Hire someone to clean the house once in a while, get a high school student to help with homework once a week, delegate some of your responsibilities to others.  This is another area that I find difficult to do myself.  If I can do it myself, then I should do it myself, right?  Not necessarily, not if it's making me crazy and is at the expense of my well being. 


*Get organized-The amount of paperwork we receive for our children with special needs is incredible!  I have multiple binders for each child by subject.  Choose how you would like to organize your paper work and keep it all in one place.  This makes it easily accessible for any conferences, doctor's appointments or meetings that you have concerning your children.


For more tips and guidance for taking care of yourself, check out this article: Survival tips for Parents at the Great Schools website.  And remember, take things one day at time.